The news, with a bit of spin

De Minaur calls Alcaraz “really annoying” to play, and the C30.4 knows that player

Alex de Minaur lost 6-1, 6-4 to Carlos Alcaraz in the final of the Vienna ATP 500, his seventh defeat in seven meetings. At the trophy presentation he said, laughing, that it was really annoying to play the Spaniard, whom he also called one of the nicest guys on the tour.

Céline, towel on her shoulder, offers a cone of fries to her smiling female opponent beside a clay court, scoreboard reading 6-1 6-4.]

Alcaraz beat De Minaur 6-1, 6-4 in the final in Vienna. Seventh defeat in seven matches for the Australian. I watched the ceremony that evening, towel still on my shoulder after interclubs (club league, Belgium’s weekend team league), and I recognised myself.

Because at the trophy presentation, De Minaur said: “it’s really annoying to play against you”, laughing. Then that Alcaraz is “one of the nicest guys on the tour”. Annoying and nice. I live that every Sunday at ten. There’s a player on the opposing team, lovely at the clubhouse bar, unbearable on court 4. She gets everything back. I invite her for a cone of chips afterwards, and I lose anyway.

The 6-1, 6-4, I won’t pick it apart: I don’t have the patterns, I wasn’t in the zone, I was at the bar. But I know one thing. At my level, a score like that is always the strings.

And my down-the-line forehand, against that kind of opponent, I make it. Not every time, but I make it.

Céline, that player on the other side, have you ever beaten her?

Jean-Pol Vandenbroeck · the pundit, fictional character

Once, in 2023. It was pouring, and she isn’t used to the bubble. That counts.

What I like about De Minaur is that he congratulated “his whole team”. I congratulate the whole opposing team too, even the captain who writes down the scores in biro. Seven defeats in a row against the same person is a number I know. Two practice sessions away, mind you.

It’s true, we checked: We Love Tennis.

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Our columnists’ reactions are fictional; the facts and real quotes are sourced above.